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BALLS !! It occurred to me recently while watching basketball on TV, reading this paper and imbibing beer at my local alcho-hall, that there could be some kind of connection between these things; and if there isn’t a connection there, well, there should be. And now there is: BALLS!! The first sports column of the New York Waste. Balls. Yes, we got em. So we play with ‘em. We pay many people here in NYC to play with their balls; and then we pay to watch them. Yeah... we sure like to watch men play with their balls, and we like to watch women play with them too. ************************************* THE CURSE OF CLYDE Forget about the Bambino. If you’re still wondering why the Knicks can’t win, I think I finally figured it out. I’ve given this much long and arduous thought; but despite that, still believe this to be true. You read it here first. Of course, you all remember when the New York Knicks sent Walt “Clyde” Frazier packing off to Cleveland in the final days of his career, right? Didn’t think so. Well, they traded Clyde, CLYDE!! The original “Pimp My Ride, Clyde”. The best, smartest, all-around guard the Knicks ever had. The coolest player in the game! He was “Huggy Bear” with brains!! Coolest guy to play on any team in NYC, ever! He was the man who won the Knicks their two World Championships; in 1970 and 1973. The only times they ever won. So after playing the majority of his career in NYC, what do the Knicks owners do? Do they wisely just cut his minutes and have him come off the bench? Let Clyde maintain his pride, and his dream of contributing to another Championship for his team? NO, they decide to not let Walt “Clyde” Frasier, of all people, go out in style - and they trade his loyal body to the dregs of the league: the lowly Cleveland Cavaliers. There he would but waste whatever precious talent, experience and ability he had left. The Madison Square Garden front office had exiled him to the NBA equivalent of Fallûjah. I can’t remember who they got for him, but it doesn’t matter. It wasn’t right. And history bears that out. They have not won since; it’s been 32 years now. I believe the only thing that will remedy the affliction, is to get Clyde back on the floor. Yes, the organization brought the Hall of Famer back to honor him and retire his number. They gave him a job as color commentator on the radio broadcasts, where he began to hone a style as slick as his nick-name (given to him by Knicks trainer “Big Time” Danny Whalen – who after seeing the movie, likened Frazier to Warren Beatty’s portrayal of the legendary, cool thief Clyde Barrow. Frazier was the team’s leader in steals, as well as “gangsta mean” haberdashery). They then wisely bumped him up to Telecasts as courtside sidekick to Marv Albert. Clyde quickly showed that he ruled in that arena as well - chimin’ and rhymin’, describin’ and diatribin’ with flair and finesse. But.... he’s not on the floor with the team. He needs to be there; as coach, assistant coach, something!! Only that will deride....the CURSE OF CLYDE. ***************************************************** I like watching the Women’s National Basketball league. Reminds me of how they played the game when I first started watching it back in 1969; when it was played by big, slow, white guys. Great fundamentals though, and that is what makes them play like a team, and keeps the game interesting. Weaving, posting, passing; set plays, executed well. Not just run, slam...dunk you ma’am; though that can be fun too. ******************************************************* After being defeated by a shoe salesman in 6 rounds last night, Mike Tyson proclaimed he has fought his last “professional” fight; canceling his upcoming scheduled bout with YBF (Yiddish Boxing Federation) Champion, “Grand” Rebbe Chai Howaryu. Iron Mike, while resting in his corner before the 7th round, declared “I can’t do this anymore”. Apparently he was suddenly overcome with guilt over the pounding and punishment that had been unleashed...on him. Tyson’s reality show “Street Geek” will begin filming this summer. The first promos have been shot. They begin with the clip of Tyson chomping away on Evander Holyfield’s ear, with Mike exclaiming: “Tastes like chicken!!” If it’s Tyson, it tastes like chicken. The kid from Bed-Stuy‘s gonna do well with this one. He’ll end each episode chewing the head off some kind of animal. That is obviously what will attract viewers and sponsors alike. The former champ will not go hungry. *********************************************** Just What Yankee Fans Needed There is no way the Yankees could more reward their fans, than the gift of the losing season they are giving them so far this year. No matter what happens the rest of the summer; even if they somehow salvage it and come out on top, again. If they continue losing at this current pace, however, they will certainly heighten the effect of the gift; though it wouldn’t be realized right away. There is just no way you can experience the excitement and joy of winning, without losing. This is not just a Met fan talking; this is pure science; Psych 101. There is no pleasure without pain. No Ying without Yang...Yogi. There is just no disputing that. And, of course, the less often you win... the sweeter it feels when you do. The less high paid the players, sweeter still. Underdogs?...nirvana. What could Yankee fans possibly know of this? It was sad watching them in the 90’s; as they seemingly went through the motions after, like, 10 World Series titles in as many years. Yeah, they were jumping up and down, but truly, how excited could you really be at that point? And for a team whose payroll exceeds the GNP of small nations? Now, if this team - this marquee-name stocked, all-star stuffed, highest paid team in baseball - continues to play like cats who already ate the canary, and keeps losing , well then their fans may ultimately develop the capacity to feel the kind of utter joy the rest of us are capable of feeling when we win. Should they wind up where they currently are, in fourth place, I will be sincerely happy for my friends who are Yankee fans (though I would never tell them that). Sometimes losers are the biggest winners. To that end, the Yankees are coming up big so far this year. Congrats to the Yanks and their fans on one of their greatest seasons in many years. Hope I haven’t spoken too soon. No taking it back now. Have a great summer. Enjoy your balls! |